with a splash of water on my face

i look up and see my mothers eyes
her face
her skin
her troubles

they lay upon my chest, and they are not mine they are hers. and they lay upon my chest.

why.

why do i carry her burdens? why do i try so hard not to be her, and to be her at the same time?

i am proud and thankful for all she is and all she has over come. envious of her strength. and irritated at her weakness all the same.

these things i cannot control are what weigh on my mind. i blame her as i try not to. i hate her as i love her. i see her as i turn away. i feel her as i close my eyes. i am connected to her as i am disconnected from her.

i wonder about that look in peoples eyes as i explain this two-sided view of my mother, and think about how they percieve what i am saying. do they relate? do most people have this kind of battle within themselves about a parent? or just me?